TIGER ROAR DAILY NEWS

September 2005

Volume 63     Issue 17

25 CENTS

New Mayor-Elect Chickens Out
Clemson, SC     Mayor-elect William Robinson, immediately acting on a signature platform from his campaign, enacted a statute that provides anyone in the Clemson area who desires it with free chicken for every meal during the week of the annual football game between Clemson University and the University of South Carolina. The popularity of the move was evident all around town, and was even felt as far away as Columbia, South Carolina, where farmers were quickly adding extra protection to their chicken coups.

Jim Bobby Pokley, a farmer who was one of many people outside of Clemson who opposed this new policy, voiced his opinion to anyone who would listen. "This here policy ain't got not business gone into affects down yonda. Them there students done lost they's minds raidin' people's coups an awl. Tha least they folks can do is reburse us fo' all tha exter fencin'."

However, this was not the opinion of most Clemson area grocers. Annie Sue Barbara Pokley, one of the local meat department supervisors and wife of Jim Bobby, felt the opposite of her husband. She was quick to share her story once her husband returned to reinforcing his coup. "We ain't been able ta keep chicken and stuff on tha shelves at my store. It's been so bad 'rounds here that I've done brought in chickens from my own farm ta sell on tha side to keeps my hair lookin' nice and my nails did. I just blamed it on tha students 'cause I thinks my husband loves them chickens more than me. This here's tha best thang to happen since Jim Bobby proposed ta me after a wild evenin' of cow-tippin'."

When told of some of the conflicts his decisions has caused, Mayor Robinson continued to stand firmly by his decision, not pausing once to give his hot sauce a rest. "No one should have to apologize for being a consumer of chicken. Not only is it our nature being atop the food chain, it is boosting the local economy. There is nothing better than walking through town seeing little kids with barbeque sauce all over their hands and mouths. Lines are dry at KFC [Kentuck Fried Chicken(R)] and other chicken places, but all of the food stores are doing better. The police have even firmly supported this by putting chicken in their break areas right next to the doughnuts. This is a great thing! My children do not aspire to be chickens when they grow up, but they do aspire to eat chicken!"

Judging from how often chicken is eaten when these two universities are scheduled to meet, a clear message is being sent through out the entire state. If you have a chicken that you don't want devoured, you just might want to send it out of town for the week. Several chicken reserves have been popping up in numerous places, most commonly in Columbia, as people try to curtail the effect of this new statute. With all the buzz around Clemson this time of year, it does not appear that this new tradition will die any time soon.

Malkin Mouser - AP

KFC Take Day Off to Stop By City Hall Page 10

Excess Chicken Causing Increase In Confirmed Cases of Narcolepsy Page 7

Major Companies Sink Millions Into Hot Sauce Ads Page 14

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